Dallas a Winter Wonderland? or Jerry Jones Deal with the Devil?

For the past two days I have been at home during a normal work week and it looks like there may be at least one more day of this. 

It is Feb 2, 2011 and it is also Super Bowl week here in DFW.

In the ten years (almost 11 now) I've been back and in the 13 years I spent in Houston, and quite frankly the rest of the time in Chicago, this is the worst it has ever been.  And the news media is FREAKING OUT! 

 

They actually covered the busses caring the football teams from the hotels in Fort Worth and Las Colinas to Jerry Jones world in Arlington.(Along with a police escort)  I can't help but think that this is the conversation that Jerry Jones is having with the NFL commissioner right now;

 

Jerry: It will be fine... So the stores and shops that we told would make a bundle in Super Bowl tourist traffic are screwed.  The game will go off with 100,000 in the stadium and another 10,000 in the parking lot watching on Jerry Jones big screen TV's.

NFL:  I thought the deal you did was for it to be sunny and warm all this week?

Jerry:  I did do that deal, but I can't get in contact with him right now.  He seems to have.... disappeared.  It'll be fine!  Don't worry!

NFL:  I don't think so.  The weather men are now calling for a hail of burning toads and sulfur pit eruptions at Six Flags over Texas on Saturday.  You better get a hold of him fast and get this fixed.  Offer him whatever he wants. So help me God, we will never hold another Super Bowl in this piece of crap state again.

Jerry:  First of all, don't say God.  That just upsets our benefactor.  You know that. Second, Get out of here so I can get the pentagram drawn and the goat blood flowing.  Go on.  It will be fine!

 

The NFL commissioner leaves. 

Jerry dons a set of black robes and leads a herd of goats into his office.

Jerry:  Come on.  I know you’re around. Come on out!  There'll be pizza!

The smell of sulfur is found in the air.  Goats start to explode, and the devil, looking a lot like Jon Lovitz shows up.

Devil:  What do you want?  You got what you wanted...A Super Bowl.

Jerry:  But I need there to begood weather and lots of paying suckers...I mean customers.  Come on, help me out here.

Devil:  You have nothing left for me. I already own your soul and the NFL commissioner's.

 

Jerry:  How about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?  Or Troy Aikman?

Devil:  Been there, done that.

Jerry:  How about I leak a story about how drilling to gas in the surrounding towns is causing people to get really sick.

Devil:  I already had the mayor of Flower Mound give me her soul for that.  Now I can't get her to talk
about anything else.  She doesn't know anything but STOP THE DRILLING.  What a stupid broad.  And the drilling continues, which is the best part.

Jerry:  How about rolling blackouts in Texas, and say it's because to the cold weather.  We'll tell them it will only be out for 15 minutes but we will shut off their power for 3 hours, and make the energy required to heat their homes back up triple. Plus, the entire railroad crossings in the area will shut and have to be reset by hand causing massive road blocks.

Devil:  Hmmmmm.  I like it.  I see a great future for you in hell when you die, Jones.  When did we agree that would be?

Jones:  I think the year the Cowboys would get back to the Super Bowl, and you know I won't let that happen for a lonnnnnnng time.  HAHAHHAAHAHA.

Devil: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Now pass be another goat.  I'm feeling horny.

Jones:  Me too. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!