Just who do they think they are?

So yesterday I had to go to the eye doctor. Here's a hint: Never say to the doctor, or their staff, "I need to make an appointment with the Optometrist." when they are actually an Ophthalmologist. You would have thought I strangled babies in front of the pope. "No, Dr. Ku is an Ophthalmologist! He's a MEDICAL DOCTOR." Excuse the hell out of me. So set me up for an appointment with the almighty DOCTOR, please.

I arrive at the doctor's office about 30 minutes early, thinking I might be able to get through a little before the coming of the apocalypse. So I sign in, fill out the same form 20 times, sign my life away, hand back the papers, and I ask "About how long of a wait will it be?" Keep in mind, I'm early. It's 2:30 in the afternoon on a Friday, and I want to get home and relax just like everyone else in that office, which was packed like sardines by the way. The receptionist looks up at me at and says "It's going to be a long while. Just sit down." So I wedge myself in to a chair, and proceed to wait....and wait..... And wait... 3:00, 3:15, 3:30, 3:45, 4:00... When an old woman comes out and says, “Dr. Ku is running very late, over an hour, would any of you like to reschedule?" Three patients get up and walk over and out. Since my appointment was for 3, I figure I'll wait... I should be next....NOT! At 4:20, they call me in.

I walk back and the doctor’s assistant says, "Do you want to get glasses or contact prescription from this visit?" Well, duh! "Yes, I would, both contact and glasses, please."

“You checked off that you didn't want that test done."

“Yes, that said it was for cataracts. I don't have that, so I don’t want to pay the extra $30 for it."

"No, that test is for your corrective lenses, not just cataracts. And as a new patient, it will be more like $70. Dr. Ku is a MEDICAL DOCTOR. He does this test as an additional service for his patients. He doesn't HAVE to do it."

" $70 bucks, huh. No, I think do it at my regular eye doctor."

"He isn't a MEDICAL DOCTOR."

"No, he is my EYE DOCTOR. He can do this corrective prescription, correct?"

"Well, yes. But he isn't a MEDICAL DOCTOR."

"I'm ok with that. I'll use the extra $70 to buy, you know, contacts."

So during the exam, I have to take out my contacts. I blinder than Ray Charles without my contacts or glasses, and that's pretty blind since Ray is dead and all. And they walk 10 feet away and ask me to follow them around to another exam room. I keep telling them "I cannot see you... I see several large blurs... which one are you?" At which point I see what I assume is one of them waving their arms around, although to me it looks like the blob attacking a white cylinder. Then they place the drops in my eyes to dilate my pupils, and sit me down in another chair that was made for Twiggy and not me.

After about 20 more minutes, of which I spent playing UNO on my cell phone by clicking only on colors (I actually won too. Amazing). I finally see Dr. Ku. You know... the MEDICAL DOCTOR. And all I see is a yellow blob with a blue blob underneath it (I am assuming he was Asian, or had a really bad tan, and wearing blue scrubs). He does the whole look in my eye with a really bright light. Possibly brighter than the sun. And then starts to take to me about my diabetes. The usual stuff, lose weight, eat right. Then he says, "I see about 1000 diabetes patients a month, and at least one a month is going blind from the disease." So all I can think about at that point is that if so many of your patients are diabetic, get some larger fucking chairs for you waiting rooms, asshole.

What makes a Doctor believe that his time is so much more valuable than ours? Doesn't the technology exist that could make the doctor’s office so much more efficient and patient friendly? I'll save that for another blog.

Open up and say 'AHHHHHHHH'.